I’m having a hard time feeling inspired by life. I did it again—I fell in love, got my heart broken, picked up the pieces, and had to find my inner strength once more so that I could move forward. I wish I could tell you that at some point heartbreak will never happen again—that it eventually makes sense, that life won’t hurt you, and that loving another soul won’t leave you weeping for days, weeks, months, or even, at times, years.
In the same breath, I hate admitting the fact that I would do it all over again. Yup, you heard right: I would go through the pain of heartbreak again. If you asked any of my closest friends, they’d probably tell you they wish I wouldn’t. By gods, for their ears, I wish I could restrain my beating romantic heart.
To love so deeply, to feel so deeply, to be devoted to another so faithfully—it’s an interesting thing. In the end, the part I both hate and simultaneously love the most about falling in love is how much it allows you to learn, grow, and build deeper intimacy with yourself and others as a whole.
It takes immense strength to love yourself after allowing another to love you. They shine a light on parts of you that you didn’t even realize could be loved. They end up loving things about you that you may have forgotten. They cherish features you once thought unworthy of love. They make you realize how much you care about things you once let get “out of hand.” They call you out on old wounds you didn’t even notice had become habitual worries.
The list goes on and on. The lessons I’ve learned from both loving and losing far outweigh the hurt I’ve endured. Still, it freaking hurts. Luckily, in my hurt, some of my favorite poetry has been birthed from the moments my heart was torn to shreds.
There is one thing, however, that took me four years to unlearn—one thing that will stop you from allowing yourself to be loved, and to love another:
Numbing out.
Whatever you do, do. not. numb. out. your. heart.
This is the one thing that will truly stop your soul’s growth.
If you numb out, you stop living a life that you can truly feel. Numbing out is right up there with running away from love—which, trust me, I’ve done too.
The hardest, yet only, way to truly live a spiritually focused life full of love is to, well…keep loving—and to continuously fall in and out of love.
Natural law states that throughout the universe, there is life, death, and rebirth. Nothing lasts forever.
To ignore death is to deny life. And that includes the uncomfortable rebirth process. Love has its own cyclical flow. In every relationship, there is a life, death, and rebirth cycle.
I think the biggest lesson to learn from loving another—and from allowing yourself to be loved—is the ability to heal old wounds that once stopped you from both receiving and giving love.
Through conditioning or learned behaviors from childhood, family, and societal influence, we slowly begin to build walls. When you came into this world as a baby, you arrived as a pure being of love. Literally, it was “love” that brought you into existence. But somewhere along the way, you realized it wasn’t safe to receive or give love fully. So, you began putting up walls to protect yourself from pain. And because pain isn’t pleasurable, especially as a child, those walls stayed.
The universe—and spirit—has a beautiful way of wanting to crack you open to live a more loving life. With that, you always have a choice: stay numbed out from love, or open yourself up to it again.
Option 1: Open your heart and soul to the love that is all around you. This way leaves you open, expansive, willing to see the good and magic this world is full of. To start opening yourself up to this option, simply make the conscious decision that you want to open up to love again. The universe will have no choice but to begin shifting your world to reflect this reality.
Option 2: Stay numbed out. I’ll let you know this option is the easier one—but it will be cold and deprived of joy, passion, and lighthearted childlike wonder. You won’t get hurt, but you also won’t really feel much, since you’ve chosen not to feel.
If you ask me—and from experience—Option 1 will always lead you to a more full, wondrous, painful, yet deeply rewarding life. To stay soft, compassionate, and loving with yourself. Emotions are meant to be felt. There is no “bad” emotion—only emotions waiting to be felt and explored.
I’d like to end with understanding—truly from my own experience—that sometimes you do have to stay numb just to get by. Sometimes you aren’t in the right state of mind, environment, or don’t have the support you need to process the pain that thawing your heart out takes. So please, with an extremely compassionate heart, take all the time you need. And when you feel ready, trust in love again.
With that, lots of love n’ light,
—Emma H